This past week my girlfriend and I had an enlightening
conversation about Thanksgiving. Each of us where sharing what challenges us
the most; what we were afraid of, what made us feel rotten, and what kind of
behavior by others ruins our day.
I found us saying things like “I wish I had more help with
the planning and preparation of the food so I was less resentful”, “I don’t
want to have to answer to anybody about my personal life if I’m not ready, but
I don’t want them to feel pushed away, either”, “I’m worried about political
differences coming up” and “I feel exhausted at the end, not filled up and all
happy like we’re told we should feel. I want to actually feel nourished and
full of gratitude, not like: ‘thank God that’s over!’”
After we vented a bit, we started asking some questions
instead, and low and behold we started coming up with miraculous ways to
approach the coming holidays with a lot more self-awareness and intention, and
less attachment to how others decide to use the day.
This is an incredibly self-protective and freeing
experience! And although I've personally done a *lot* of inner work around
dealing with winter and the holidays, but this conversation was especially
helpful and insightful.
So, in light of the fast-approaching Yule tide, I come here
today to offer a similar journey for you, as well as herbal and aroma allies.
For my apothecary members I always approach things holistically this way
(including inquiry based journaling/mindset methods, sensory engagement, and
herbal nourishment) so that the healing happens from multiple facets and is
integrated more completely. I invite you to tackle things with this in mind as
well.
The more my friend and I talked about what we wanted and complained less about what we didn’t want, the
more clearly we were able to see the potential to enjoy our holiday more, even
within the given circumstances.
However, it is good to get all the complaints on the table,
as they can help us navigate. So….lay it all out, my friend, with reckless
honesty:
What are my biggest, most anxiety producing complaints
about the holiday?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
{Awesome, good job J}
Next, Go slowly through
each of your above frustrations and ask these questions:
1.
Is this an experience I’m capable of changing?
2.
Does the change need to happen externally,
involving others?
3.
Is there a change in me, internally, that would
help? What is that? Compassion, forgiveness, or a shift in expectations?
4.
Do I contribute to this issue in any way?
5.
What personal boundaries can I set for myself
around this issue? (e.g.; Getting more rest? Not answering questions I don’t
feel comfortable with? Not engaging in feeling victimized or falling prey to
passive aggressive behavior?
6.
In what ways can I ask for help & support
from my loved ones in regards to this issue?
7.
How can I better prepare for this potential
experience, manage it if it occurs, or help prevent it?
{Woot! Feels good so far, yes? Are you surprised by anything
so far?}
Next, we need to shift the focus to what we do desire.
1.
What would each of these experiences look and
feel like to you, if they were expressed in the positive?
For example, if your #1 fear was listening to your children fight, it might look like two siblings enjoying each other’s company.
For example, if your #1 fear was listening to your children fight, it might look like two siblings enjoying each other’s company.
2.
What do I
want out of a holy-day? How do I want to feel before, during, and after?
3. What
are some ways my ideals can be fed and supported??
Brainstorm specific ideas around this – the more specific you are the more likely it is to happen, whether because you take action, or something becomes more energetically possible through the magic of your intentions.
Brainstorm specific ideas around this – the more specific you are the more likely it is to happen, whether because you take action, or something becomes more energetically possible through the magic of your intentions.
Super! We’re well on our way to a transformed holiday
experience. In addition to the above specific
problem-solving inquiries, we can arm ourselves with some general ideas as
well. These are three of my favorite pattern interrupters that I use the most
often.
~In this moment, I can
choose peace.
~In this moment, what
can I do differently?
~Even though I feel _____
(angry, hurt, etc) I can choose to shift things by acting out of love.
By claiming more ownership over the emotional choices,
vocabulary we use, and the physical activity choices we have, and by creating a
plethora of options for ourselves, we can shift out of feeling victimized and
begin to foster a sense of self-protection, groundedness, and hope that the
coming days, meant to be most sacred, generous, and fulfilling, actually can be
just that.
The nourishing feast:
Oh the food! Yummy, yummy food, and lots of it! Meant to be
a gleeful celebration of bounty, of course, this can instead be the source of
much misery for many, whether it is days in the kitchen laboring over the
perfect meringue, a tender bird, or peeling endless potatoes – worrying about
eating too much and gaining weight, fearing the dish washing task, or simply
feeling like crap afterwards.
Whatever the food brings up for you, we can apply a few
small tweaks for aid.
--Ditch the MSG. This means no “Mr.Gravy” thickener, and no
poor quality brand dressings or seasoning packets. MSG can cause severe
inflammation, instigate over-eating, and provide mega-headaches. They are just
no good party poopers. (Monosodium
Glutamate) is known for its trouble making and is better off left out of
the meal.
--Change from soda. UGH! There are so many excellent sparkly
options nowadays. Corn syrup and artificial flavor/color is a holiday’s bad
news. Don’t go there. Especially if you have volatile parent/kid pairs in the
family, or any diabetics. This might feel like an epic change for some – but remember
that we can focus on what we are adding instead
of subtracting to help us all adapt and enjoy.
--ADD Lots of digestive aids! At least an hour before the
main meal, take a little something each ten or twenty minutes to stoke your
digestive fire. There are many options you have no excuse to avoid this
essential action.
Ginger root, Lemon Juice, Fennel Seeds, Apple Cider Vinegar, black pepper & cinnamon chai, Turmeric root, bitters such as Dandelion root tincture, Artemisia tincture, and Goldenrod tincture can all help ready the digestion. Fermented foods as an appetizer and condiment are one of my very favorite (and delicious) ways to support digestion. Homemade sauerkraut, kimchi, or pickled vegetables are a fantastic way to support those in your family who may not be so interested in your herbal concoctions.
Ginger root, Lemon Juice, Fennel Seeds, Apple Cider Vinegar, black pepper & cinnamon chai, Turmeric root, bitters such as Dandelion root tincture, Artemisia tincture, and Goldenrod tincture can all help ready the digestion. Fermented foods as an appetizer and condiment are one of my very favorite (and delicious) ways to support digestion. Homemade sauerkraut, kimchi, or pickled vegetables are a fantastic way to support those in your family who may not be so interested in your herbal concoctions.
--Have honey available. For those who might decide to use
honey instead of sugar in their coffee or tea. Yay! (Then dessert will be more
relaxed)
--Ask for help!!!! Call up your inner queen and do some delegating.
People who stand around waiting to do something, actually do want to help. But
if they are in someone else’s kitchen, they would do well with some helpful
directions. Guys who retreat to the football game are, more often than not, willing
to help if you’re willing to ask.
And, last but not least, Aroma-allies.
If you’re hosting, and you usually burn Yankee or similarly
scented candles consider not. These candles can contribute to migraines,
nausea, mood swings, and mysterious maladies galore. They are packed with
dangerous fragrance chemicals like z-estrogens that can wreak havoc.
Natural aromas in the house are inviting … cider, stuffing,
garlic … these are the smells that help us feel welcome, stimulate salivation,
and cultivate memories (without side effects). If you do wish for candles, try
ones with natural essential oils of orange or cinnamon for a gentler ambiance. You can also choose unscented candles and use an aromatherapy diffuser with the following essential oils.
If you keep a cupboard of essential oils, you can make
yourself a helpful blend. One of my favorite
for Yule time is Roman Chamomile. Wildly herbaceous & floral/fruity, this
almost apple-like chamomile oil is incredibly uplifting and anti-depressant.
Roman Chamomile is excellent for those who tend to feel brooding, argue beyond
the point of reason, and get ‘hot headed’ or stubborn. It is also somewhat
expensive – but also strong. Diluted in carrier oil at about 2-4 drops of
essential oil to 1/3 ounce carrier oil, you can apply it or smell it as
frequently as you like.
If you prefer something more grounded and rooty, you might
find Vetiver essential oil to be helpful. It is excellent for those who abhor
traveling, tend to feel nervous or insecure, or feel as though they need
thicker skin. It is one of the strongest essential oils and will be plenty
effective at a dilution of 1 drop in 1/3 ounce of carrier oil.
You might enjoy a trip to your local natural food store to
smell an array of essential oils and determine which one makes you feel most
relaxed and happy.
~~~
However you choose to support yourself this holy-day season,
may it be nourishing, joyful, and bring you closer to the ones you love.
Blissful Blessings,
Ananda
~~~~~~~~~~
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1 comment:
Fabulous post. Thank you and many blessings this holiday season.
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