Sunday, January 10, 2010

Belonging







I never thought

the moment would come

"Oh shit" I said

inside my head

as my heart grew from grinch to grin

and water swelled

in my eyes.

I squeezed the steering wheel

as I felt the white pines

watching me

and the juniper listening,

celebrating

with frosty bitter blue fruit

jewels on her boughs

and the white birches reach, drinking

in the January sun while it lasts

as the bald eagles cavort

and the jagged mountain sides pour

with thick still ice

While I drove down

interstate 84

West

with my children in the car

and the smell of this particular place

and time

in my nose,

Home

landed in me.


I'm here.

This land is me. My body

responds now

to it's changing light

the curvy hipped roads

and gazelle winter trees

The decent of Autumn

and revelation of summer

Her greenery, her cycles

my teacher.

I never thought

the moment would come

when Connecticut called me

home

and I would accept.

Yet in the time it took

for the next snowflake

to melt on the hood

of my red Saturn

(which is terrible in snow)

the spirit of this land

thawed my icy heart

as my mind sped

a film in my head

and showed me visions

of all the plants I've come to know

and trees I've wept upon

and rivers carrying my prayers

roots and nuts that are now

my hair, my skin

the hills who hold my walk

the rocks who tell my story

and the collective of

that movie

surrounded by the people keeping

me loved.


"Oh shit"

I thought

"It's here?

Not Tennessee? Or Virginia? Or

Asheville North Carolina? Costa Rica?"


No

She says

at least not right now.

You are here

with me

you are here

come in.



8 comments:

Julie said...

Gorgeous! I especially like the lines "roots and nuts that are now my hair, my skin." <3

Sidney Trobairitz said...

We acclimate to a place; How not?

Lyon said...

Breath taking.

The Plant Whisperer said...

Thank you ladies. Sidney I never did think I could acclimate to here, I've lived here for 18 years. If I wasn't some one pursuing intimacy with the land, I may never have acclimated. And I expect there will be times of doubt and restlessness - I suppose like any real relationship :) but for now, the feeling of being at home on this land is a huge threshold for me.

Thanks for reading :)

Blessings
Ananda

tansy said...

it's great feel at peace with where you are...i'm still working on that myself.

comfrey cottages said...

beautiful ananda:) s happy for you feeling this way.

jaz said...

...and this is why i am scared to stay here
scared to fall in love with this place

your poems are so amazing and i identify so much with what you feel... and express so eloquently! :)

you magic magic woman

The Plant Whisperer said...

Jaz, indeed. It is scary as hell. But better to know what it is to fall in love with the land, as perhaps it will ease the experience of falling in love with other humans. We can, at least, belong fully, possessively, jealously, recklessly; to our land.

Thank you for reading and for sharing, too.